Shelley’s Adoption Story I Portland Family Photographer

[intro]November was National Adoption Month, and we collected stories from clients and friends who have been touched by adoption in their lives. We’d like to take some time to share their stories with our readers this month. We’ll start with Shelley’s: “16 children have called me mommy. No, I’m not the crazy pioneering type that is always pregnant or carrying a baby. But what I am is something some people might say is crazy, I’m a foster mom. Well technically our family is a foster family. I can’t take all the credit for this wonderful journey. [/intro]

So for the mathematical breakdown we have been fostering for almost 4 years and in that time we have had 16 little kiddos ranging in age from 2 days to 6 yrs old and we’ve had anywhere from 1 at a time all the way to 5 at a time. The best part is that we’ve also had 3 adoptions….but I’ll get to that.

My most amazing, awesome and spectacular husband and I were married in 2003. It was just a couple months after we were married that we decided to have a baby. Literally, back in my naiveté I really thought we just decided and Mother Nature would get our request and soon after the baby of our dreams would arrive. So a few months went by and we listened to the numerous (and unsolicited) advice; ranging from positions, timing, foods to eat and my all-time favorite “just stop thinking about it,” as if you can just turn of the internal switch that compels you to procreate.  Things just weren’t working, but being still young and in school we decided to just let things be. Fast forwarding 7yrs later our letting things be resulted in numerous medical appointments, major surgery and 2 failed IUI attempts. We finally came to the conclusion that my loins were just not going to be fruitful.

We were now at a crossroads. Do we try to save up or find a way to afford In-Vitro or start looking into adoption? As a side note, even before we were married we both had a desire to adopt, we just thought it would happen after having biological children. During this time I had two siblings who had become foster parents and it piqued our interest…and definitely awoke something in our souls. We felt very strongly that regardless of how long we would need to wait for further infertility treatments there were many children who needed a safe place to be now. So we put on our “we’re going to save the world rose-colored glasses” and started our training classes.

So these classes are pretty much discussions on worst-case scenario situations and fully intended to scare the pants off of you. We made it through all the terrible and heartbreaking stories but felt determined and in a way called to carry on. Less than a year later we received our first placement.

To protect privacy I won’t go into much detail on our kiddos but let me say, our first placement, a 5yr old, almost broke me. This child was sweet but had so many issues and needs that I, as an inexperienced parent, just didn’t know how to handle. We had multiple discussions on asking him to be removed but every time we prayed about it I always had the distinct impression that whether I liked it or not he needed to stay with us.

After we’d had this boy for about a year (in the meantime we had also had 5 other little ones come and go) we received a call for a sibling group of a 4yr old girl, 18mo old boy and 4mo old girl. At the time we were only able to take two of them and cps decided to send us the older two.

These two little angels got out of the van, the sweet girl wide eyed and smiling, the boy in borderline hysterics, and we both felt something different than we usually did when new kids came. We took them in the house and started playing with toys with them to help them both feel a little more comfortable and within 20 minutes I had a feeling that was very scary. The only way I can describe it is that I looked at them and my heart said “oh there you are, I’ve been waiting for you!” Now with every child that came we always had a desire and hope they might be our forever child but this was different. This was so distinct and certain that instead of celebrating the feeling I started doubting myself. Maybe I was just being emotional and it wasn’t really a spiritual impression. Either way we moved forward. A few months later we were able to have the baby, who was then 1yr old come and join us. So here we were with these sweet 3 children. The most bizarre thing is that according to most people they looked like us and oddly enough they started taking on some of our personality traits. We were a family.

Here’s the emotional catch with foster care. Reunification is always the goal and we know that. So while the biological parents are supposed to be following their case plans and getting their lives in order we are spending 24/7 with these kids, developing attachments, caring for them, parenting them and loving them with all our hearts. We have to be prepared at any moment that CPS is on their way to pick them up. In this case that call never came. About a year and a half later we sat in a courtroom where a judge legally made us a forever family. The years of holding our breath, living through discouragement and tears and doubt all made sense. Our long path, even down to the minuteness of detail had led us to our children. They were ours and I felt like the luckiest mother on the earth.

So our journey that was going to be a short-term thing while we still tried to get pregnant was the journey that made me a mother. The ache in my soul, the longing, the heartache was finally mended. I knew without a doubt that this is what God’s plan for us was.

It’s been over a year since our adoption and you may think that having our prayers answered we would have walked away with our kids and moved forward with life but our journey was far from over. Just a few months after the adoption we again opened our home to more children in need. And let me just say that my kids are amazing. They understand how our family was made and that there are other children who need a place to be. When a new child comes into our home our kids practically smother them with love and welcoming. We’re all sad when it’s time to part but look forward to the day when more can join our little clan forever.

We hear so often people saying that they don’t know how we can do this, that they’d get too attached… If anyone realized what this intended compliment was suggesting they probably wouldn’t say it. Let me say that we get very attached. We’ve had children leave that devastated me. I felt like I had lost a child. They leave and we never hear from them again. It’s painful and difficult BUT we do this because of how much we care. We get attached, we treat each child as if they were our own, and we hope and pray for their safety when they leave. Our emotions pale in comparison to the needs these children have. We look at them and think how could we not do this? How could we not open our homes considering how much we have been blessed? So this is just a part of our normal life. I’m sure the day will come that we feel that our family is complete and that it is time to move to the next stage of life but until then our revolving door of love remains open. And as I sit and look over at the sweet little baby we have right now I know without a doubt that this an amazing job.”

Moxie Photography, a Utah family photographer, photographs family in Portland. In the Winter in Portland, OR.